CONSERVATIVE V. LIBERAL
(RESPONSIBLE CITIZENS V. WELFARE STATE)
This list has been emailed and posted on websites under the title of "Conservative vs. Liberal,"
but a better title might be "Responsible Citizens v. Welfare State."
If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants meat products banned for everyone.
If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If Blacks or Hispanics are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.
If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.
If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced (unless it's a foreign religion, of course!).
If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it or seeks a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his health care.
If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor, and then sues.
If a conservative reads this he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
